Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
My dick has a subreddit
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
