I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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