took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
