I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
