Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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