Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
