sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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