I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
