please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize