U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
