I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Randomize
