Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
