i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
she looked like the before picture.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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