How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
