You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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