Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
