On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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