I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
