Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize