did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
