having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
