I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Send help, water and tortillas.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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