Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
