Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
