If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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