After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
