Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
