apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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