Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
