I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
