When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
