Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
