so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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