I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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