I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
