I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
