We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
May the power of my ass compel you!!
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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