Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
