bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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