two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
