His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
