i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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