How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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