we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I just threw up on my dentist
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
