You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
