I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
