I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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