come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
