what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
