By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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