pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Randomize
