Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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