i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
