Hey man sorry I got all grabby
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
