"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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