Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
