Are we in a gay sports bar?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize