I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
