Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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