I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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