Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
