OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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