Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
