um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
