Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
