apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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